Six thousand behind

As of right now I am just a little over six thousand words behind on my NaNoWriMo novel.

I'm not in the mood to write right now. I'm on a rather gory chapter and while I love reading gory chapters, writing them is quite a different thing. Every time I write a sentence I feel less like I want to someday publish it and more like I should be institutionalized. Much like the opening line in Castle "There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people - psychopaths and mystery writers.". Yeah, that's not the only reason, but it is a major one.

As I'm unable to get myself to write I keep doing everything else. I've read, I've watched Hulu, I've even drawn. I once again have the feeling that I cannot be myself here, mostly because I lacking a desk. I have nowhere to work on anything from drawing to writing, even looking for jobs is uncomforable without being at a desk. I you haven't realized I have a laptop, yet I prefer to use it at a table of some sort. Instead I'm delegated to lying in my bed (not good for my wrist) or on the storage tote I put half of my clothes in, which is about level with my bed so it is a little awkward to use. I tried to sit on my bed like a chair, but it is a little saggy, which is even irritating me for sleep purposes.

You know what I think it's time for? The "I Need a Job" song!
-X

Painful Decisions

Once again I am contemplating my plan(s).

I don't know what to do.

I want to move but I have no money. I don't even care what job I get when I get their. I would just be able to function.

• I don't want to hear my mother rant about how someone has pissed her off again.
• I would like to be able to sit downstairs without breathing cigarette smoke
• and be able to leave the door to my room open with it smelling like smoke.
• I would like to be able to do anything without my parents making a big deal about it 
• which hasn't really been a problem
• then again, I've been locking myself in my room to prevent this
• I would like not to be judged whenever I do anything or say anything
• I would like to be myself.

What am I to do?

-X