Tuesday, March 30, 2010

That's kind of depressing

I am exercising right now. I believe in breaks in between sets. Long breaks, or at least long enough to let my muscle stop bitching. Anyway I set up my computer to tell me what I needed to do today and started with my sit ups and it was stupid hard. I knew I was behind, but this was too hard. So I check the date for my last time - Friday - that means I completely skipped a workout without a thought. Which means today is going to really hurt.

I don't know what it is about two days that makes it the perfect amount of time to wait for your muscles to get better, or why waiting any time over that makes you want to kill yourself. It just does.

What's really bugging me is that I thought I was still on track because I was still sore from the last round, which was a repeat because I had difficultly on the previous round. I really meant to stretch yesterday but now it is too late. This program seems to have a severe difficulty curve. My body us having trouble adjusting to the change in demands. I still shake with the first sit ups, they steady after I warm up, but everyone is extremely difficult. Wasn't it suppose to get easier as you went on?

Last night, I was looking up how to massage myself. I was hoping for suggestions like directional motions, or tips for certain muscles, but all I could find were several very obvious "how to" articles. They literally said things like, "oil hands and rub body". That is not useful. Clearly it's a conspiracy from the masseur union.

Well, I lived through it. Pray for my muscles.

Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm an ADD idiot

So you might have noticed that the pretty layout that I used to have is kind of gone.

You see I use Blogger "In Draft" so that I have a spellcheck on my posts and so I can have pages. The other day that opened up customizable layouts, for those of us who don't want to learn the ins and outs of programming for Blogger. I was really excited and started playing with it because the old layout didn't have big enough sidebars for anything, they were just an odd size.

So after playing for awhile I saved. Then I remembered that I had to add the Analytics code again, and soon I have fix the title image. Too much f-ing trouble. I'm busy with finishing my current writing project, starting Screnzy, hopefully having interviews that require a great deal of traveling, my niece/nephew being born, and I'm sure more shit will pop up.

So long March, you sucked. April, show March how it's done.

(I've been listening to music again...)
All I Ever WantedCool Is Just A NumberWho We Are

Friday, March 26, 2010

I feel better

I feel much better.

The first day is always the worst and I always forget that I have to take Allegra, not Zyrtec.

So I have applications in and nearly have a heart attack every time I check my email, because I expect to see a response. Otherwise though I have been very bad. I've been playing games and writing and, finally, my mother is starting to get her 'tude again.

I looked over local jobs again, because if I don't get what I want I will have to go to retail temporarily, but there wasn't much. At this point I just want out of my parents house more than anything. I know I've bitched about living here before, but I'm going to add some things. One day back in either December, when I was working at a toy store and had to get up early, or January, when I was having some doctors appointments, I woke up and went downstairs and started to make myself something to eat before I left.

I pace, including when I'm trying to make food, and it gets worst the hungrier I am, but there are two things that prevent me from pacing. People cause me to pace less, and having somewhere to go makes me stop completely. If I'm not busy, I can draw out a meal for an hour and a half. If there is someone in the kitchen and I have to be somewhere, I'm done preparing and eating in ten minutes. My mother doesn't like people disrupting her routine in the morning, and apparently I was a disruption - because I needed to walk pass her to get the mayonnaise out of the refrigerator.

This just proved to me that I shouldn't get up before she leaves, because she be bitching about me being in the way, whether or not I am. Can I be blamed for not feeling welcome around here.

Oh, I think I'll also mention that I am not the stupidest person in the world. My brother actually dared to say something about our parent's smoking. They occasionally say things like "don't ever start", but they are without remorse about any effect their smoke has on other people and I thought that we all knew that they were very sensitive about the subject. Hell, they actually talked about it afterward, they never do that.

Well, I meant to publish this last night so... oh well.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I hate spring in NoVa

I hate spring in Northern Virginia. Only because it hates me.

For the first time in four years I am "home" during the beginning of spring and I want to kill myself. I have bad allergies to something here. Mold, trees, I don't fucking know. When I was in high school I would have a couple of days of agony until it dissipated or my allergy medication could kick in.

Now lets just get this straight, I don't bitch about my health that often in real life because the fact is that no one fucking cares. They don't care because some people cry about getting a cold or stubbing their toe. I don't do that. I deal with being sick and I get over it and most people never know that I'm not feeling well.

Well, I'm bitching about this in real life.

This isn't like dog allergies or cat allergies. I can't leave the building and get better, I can't take a shower and wash it off. All I can do is OD on drugs and pray that something begins to work. My face is sore from blowing my nose, not my nose, my face. And under my eyes are sore from wiping away tears.I don't remember how I had the patience to live through this.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Not the One Year Post I was expecting

One year ago today I wrote my first post on this blog. I was much happier and more optimistic last year. I was about to go to the second of two conferences and get a job. I was about to graduate. Everything was going to be great.

I didn't get a job. I had several posts where I muttered about the amount I paid to go and the fact that there were no jobs. Then I got the flu and missed out on the rest of that conference. I'm still paying my credit card bill for that week.

I'm now filling out applications I could have filled out last year, but did not because I thought I wouldn't need to. I had my plan, which was rejected by my parents. My just talked with my brother and he gave me a bit of an inspirational speech about following your dreams. He said that the first step is scary, but it's worth it in the end. My parents wouldn't let me take that step. I've always thought that if I was to win an award, I would not thank my parents.

My parents aren't the type of parents that cause their children to win awards. They are the definition of parents. They will love us, no matter what, even if they can't say it, even if they can't look at us right now, they love us. Too many people, don't get that, and I am thankful for that, but to make your child win an award you need to do more than that. For them to be thanked, they need to be someone that steadies you as you get closer. They need to be the people who tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to and they have to make sacrifices, just as you do to, to help you get that award.

Child actors in film need to have a parent present for everything they do. Every filming, screening, photo shoot, the parent needs to be there to make sure that the child is being properly cared for. My parents would not do that. They did convince my elementary school that I wasn't retarded, but looking back on that, even they admit that being in that school wasn't the best place for me. They could have done more - it would have been a stretch, but they could have done more.

My parents never suggested that I learn an instrument. They never encouraged me to take up karate. They never made me do swim team. They never taught me to ride a bike (one of my brothers taught himself - they said that we didn't want to be taught and that we would "yell at them").

I know that my plan was missing a little something, but sometimes you really need to fuck up to figure yourself out. Look up the wikipedia entry for People Born in 1987. These people are my age and most of them, if not all had parents who went above and beyond the call of parenthood. You can't wake up one day and become an Olympian, or a good actor, or a famous musician, you only get the chance if your parents believe in you and are willing to take the time, and possibly the expense of letting you try new things.

Maybe this year I'll fuck up.

Monday, March 8, 2010

A number of things

So I am starting to write down what I eat in a "food diary". I don't know how long it will be until I get bored of it. For one, I'm doing on the computer, so it won't be nearby for me to write in right after I eat, but it's just a way to make more of my bad days good day in the weight loss game.

Now if I was really nice I would be giving reviews of Shutter Island and Alice in Wonderland, but I don't feel like it. This post seems too important to put in things like that in it. I'm not sure why I think it's important but it is. I just know. In less than one week I will have continued this blog through thick and thin for an entire year. I deserve a cookie, but then I would have to log it in my food diary.

What I would like more than a cookie would be to play all of those awesome videos that keep coming out. I feel very sorry for myself for not getting to play them. And did you know their aren't any emulators for GameCube? Okay I did find some but I couldn't find any games for them, not that I tried very hard. (If you don't know what I talking about it's probably a good thing. Think Napster for video games). Several weeks ago I was walking through the video game section of Walmart and I felt like I was walking up to a drug dealer and asking "Can I just see what you have?". I have a problem. I can switch it on and off, unlike many people who have been known to ruin their lives with gaming.

Now I should be off to do all of the thing I should be doing. How was that for a one hundredth post?

Alice In Wonderland

Friday, March 5, 2010

I shouldn't be wasting time right now

I really shouldn't be wasting time right now.

I just paid a bill. I don't have many of those, but it did make me look at my finances. I really haven't been thinking about any of this crap for a while. Just kind of living the dream, writing a novel, reading, watching movies.

But this week the weather has been all nice, like winter is over or something. That means that all the fucking crap I had to do last year I'll have to do again. Yeah, I'm talking about yard work. I'm not a fan, particularly when people don't ask me nicely. So I have to get out of this house this summer.

I remembered something on my loan deferment about March. For some reason the six month deferment ends in March. I'm going to call them and make sure what date I have to list on it to extend it. Anyway it says that I have to make at least six attempts to find full-time employment (that's important, unemployment deferment for student loans is based on lack of full-time employment. My mother pointed out that she doesn't work full-time by their definition.) and that I can count only four, and one of them could be construed as a college application, not employment.

So off to my job boards I go.

Now this is sad, I looked at a job that requires twenty hours a week and will only pay $150 plus housing and I'm going to apply for it. I'm getting pretty desperate. I know, you are thinking "about time" aren't you? Need I point out that you cannot live on that much a week? I think they feed me some, but I worked at a place that paid some people that much and did not feed them.

So I already am committed to three more applications to send out, and wait there is more! I need to finish my novel by the end of the month and prepare for Script Frenzy. I haven't even written today yet, which is why I shouldn't be writing this.

If I do find some time, or just want to procrastinate, I'll write a review of Shutter Island. If I don't, just go see it.

No Plot? No Problem!: A Low-Stress, High-Velocity Guide to Writing a Novel in 30 DaysStorm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1)Pleasantville (New Line Platinum Series)