Monday, June 21, 2010

Crazy Plan revealed

So I mentioned a couple times that I've lost my mind and was going to do something completely insane. Well here it is.

In less than a month I'm going to move out of my parent's house and move to Los Angeles, California. I do not have a job lined up, I have almost no money, and I have no where to live when I get there. I'm going by car, driving for five days straight, cross-country with whatever I can fit into said vehicle.

This might sound like an idea I had about a year ago. The difference between now and then is I have less money and I am going to do it. Read my last several posts if you want to know why. I have not gotten a full-time job in over a year mostly because I want a job in my field, the field I spent $24,000 getting a degree in. Los Angeles has more jobs in my field than any other city short of maybe Chicago and New York and most importantly it will be a change of pace and will be something for me to look forward to and force me to get some kind of job immediately.

One of the major reason I'm moving to Los Angeles is that I expect to be able to work a normal job and do some theatre on the side if I need to. I can't do that here.

Anyway, I'm seriously considering doing video blogs of my trip. More on that soon.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


So the madness is still going full steam ahead, for the moment at least.

Part of the plan creates a feasible chance that this blog will become know to people, so I should check my archives to see if I insulted anyone. Sadly, this is a really big task and I feel like if I find any posts that should be removed they will be my better posts.

First off, I declare the current plan, "Plan C". The 'C' is for crazy. Secondly I see that I'm repeating myself.

Everything I have said recently I said before. I don't feel comfortable here. I feel like I'm being judged, and those doing it are very rude about it. I'm not sure what to do about it, and the possible options seem crazy. All I can say for certain is that the current situation is unhealthy for me and it needs to stop immediately.

But will my parents listen...

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Still crazy

I mentioned a crazy plan the other day. It's still too crazy to talk about, but I'm becoming more comfortable about it. I call it a "crazy plan" because, well, no one in their right mind would even think of doing it. The thing is that it's a decision I can make. The more I think about it the more I realize that I have to make this decision.

I can't remember the last time I've made a decision. I make little ones, like what I'm going to eat, but even those are under pressure right now. That's part of the crazy - this isn't a little decision, this will change the course of my life.

If you have read any of my posts, you know that I know care much for my current life. It needs a course change. Some people forget that on the road of life you are the driver and you can always change course. Right now I know exactly where I'm headed, and many people would just live with it and say that's how things have to be.

I can't. I honestly can't. I've been stressing out so much about how I can't get a job I was having trouble sleeping. Now that's I've resolved to make this decision I'm... serene. I have a purpose.

You don't know how amazing it feels to wake up in the morning and have something to do, something that doesn't involve staring at your computer hoping that it's going to tell you that the perfect job is available to reject you.

When you've been unemployed as long as I have been you have trouble getting to sleep, then can't wake up. You feel guilty because you are failing at a simple task in life. You can't remember the days of the week and each time a Friday comes around you look back and realize that you did nothing last week. Okay, you sent out that one resume, that no one will look at, that no one will consider. You tell yourself that you need to check the boards again, because it's Friday and you haven't checked since Tuesday. One new posting. You don't qualify, It's not even in your area of interest really, but you wish you could apply, just to make you feel better. You check other job boards, ones that rarely have updates. They don't have anything either. You Google search and you've clicked all of the links already. You try again with the same result.

Then you cry yourself to sleep, if you're lucky. If you aren't you start to look at your future and where it's headed, a dead end. You can't get to sleep and you start to think "I would do anything just to be able to sleep" and if you're lucky, you scare yourself and you change your course. Veer around and turn in the middle of the road. It doesn't matter if you disturb others - this is about you. This is about the cliff you're dangerously near, it's about the dead end you see in sight.

I'm desperate. I have to do this.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Food tastes good

I'm trying to eat better. I haven't been succeeding that much on the weight loss side of things so I was just trying to learn to eat right.

Some things are surprising me. For example, most fruits don't taste nearly as strong as I've been lead to believe. I've so used to candies that are fruit flavored that I had a idea of what some fruits tasted like. Sure candy isn't the best place to learn favors from, but there is that or actually eating the fruit and if I had tried to eat fruit I would have felt under pressure to like it not matter what it was.

As a kid I didn't feel like was allowed much of a choice in what I ate. I am technically a picky eater, but that was because if I tried to eat something my mother made it was a direct insult to her if I didn't like it. And I am sure that I will never like casserole or meatloaf, or anything drenched in tomato sauce, or really any other sauce for that matter.

But getting back to the fruit. It opens up a great number of things for me to eat now that I, well, don't give a crap about what other people thing about my eating habits. 

New difficulty has arisen though. My mother likes to cook dinner. Now if it was just me, I could have control over what I ate. I could have something small if I had a large lunch, or just fill in with snacks, such as some popcorn and fruit, or maybe a sandwich. Instead I have to eat whatever my mother decides to make which is always very complex. We can't just have meat, it has to be prepared a certain way, we can't have leg of lamb, crappy tiny lamb chops are fancier. Now, whenever we have chicken she has to chop out the back to that it lies flat on the pan. The other day she complained about top round of beef, saying that they were too "chewy". 

Really? We can't get the "good" cuts because their too expensive, but the "bad" cuts that we have been buying for the last fifteen years are suddenly too "chewy"? Luckily we've been getting around that with sirloin roasts. They are amazing. Cheap, and they taste really good. He had a sirloin steak the other day - it could have converted a vegan.

So that's my story for this week. Not that I did very well today... too many cheese sticks...

Thursday, June 3, 2010


So I was just thinking that I should write a post about something, and I was like "I'll write a post about that!". So I opened Blogger and promptly forgot what I was going to write about.


Today I placed a bunch of old paperbacks in my recycling bin. I haven't read them in ages and I don't plan on reading them again. Most were also in terrible condition and most charities don't like books. That I can recycle them is one of the things I like about our service here.

Throwing them out brought up a concern though. Should I throw more away? I think I will. I have three more boxes of books out in my garage that I haven't read in years and if I don't recycle them I doubt that anyone else will. I discovered that selling paperbacks on the internet is not worth it. You have to sell so low you can't even make back the shipping cost.

I spend a lot of money on books. I'm going to cut back. Mostly because I'm at the end of the serieses that I am reading. I'm also doing it just to cut back.

I made myself a goal, one so crazy that I'm not even writing about it on here unless it starts to get less crazy as I get closer. Part of that goal to spend the minimum amount of money on myself. Part of it came from seeing the interest capitalize on my student loans (another $800! Yay!).

Seriously, when I think about this GOAL, I begin to think I've lost my mind...

...but I don't have trouble sleeping now...